What I Learned This Thanksgiving

My mom likes Lily Allen. She sings along to this one.

My Verdict

Julianne Moore is certainly an improvement over Salma Hayek, but she's no Edie Falco. Although I don't know that anybody can compete with Isabella Rossellini.

By the way, are we really still supposed to buy that Liz Lemon is an unattractive weirdo who can't attract a man? Because: Gray. And Floyd. And oh my word, Dr. Drew. Not to mention Thomas.

Lily Rhodes-van der Woodsen-Klause-Bass-Humphrey...

My new brainstorm for Gossip Girl plotlines: this one's for Lily.

I know! The parents are a snooze, and I recently made the argument that they should be at most tangentially involved in their children's lives. I stand by that.

So, Gossip Girl writers: stop giving Lily van der Woodsen real storylines. Take her back to fabulously cold Season 1 Lily who only remembers she has kids when they break shit or almost die, and whose favorite hobby is marrying for sport. We've heard about how she goes through husbands like Kleenex--so have fun with it! Turn her into the Murphy Brown of marital relations!

Break up Lily and Rufus, and have her marry someone new every year. Like, next year she'll be sick of being with a Brooklyn poor, so she'll go for power and hook up with Old Man van der Bilt (she'd barely even have to change her name!). And then for Season 5 she'll go cougar and marry Carter Baizen for a minute or something. Are Nate's parents still married these days, even with the Captain in jail? God, I hope not, because seeing Lily visiting prison, like this was suddenly Arrested Development would be fantastic (NO TOUCHING!). Hell, so what if they are married? Who better than Lily (except Blair) to manipulate them out of it? And then, just to really fuck with everyone's heads, she would end up marrying Vanessa's dad, and he would be Alan Tudyk (seriously, I wish there was more Firefly that I could watch), and it would seriously piss off every other person in the world. But then: whatever, because they split when Lily refuses to eat dirty hippie farmer's market food, and next year (or month?), she's back with Keith van der Woodsen, or off in France, triple-married to Blair's gay dads.

And! We'd be guaranteed at least one wedding per season, which is just a terrific excuse for the bullshit drama that makes Gossip Girl so great.

As long as she doesn't shop for wedding accessories at Claire's again: