Something That Is Awesome - 7/31

From here on out, I want to make this a regular thing--using every Thursday to talk about something awesome in order to (1) not seem like a non-stop complainer and dark cloud of bitching and (2) make sure I'm posting regularly, even when I'm busy at work. (They have me doing real stuff now! Ahh!)

I seriously have been rather busy lately, so I'll keep this quick. The frozen margaritas at Caliente Cab are awesome. It might seem like this is not so extraordinary coming from somebody whose love affair with the lime is so well-documented, but I'm actually no great fan of frozen margaritas, generally. I almost always order them on the rocks, and for a frozen one to impress me takes an awful lot. Caliente Cab impressed me. I've only had the classic margarita so far, but it seems like all their frozen drinks are totally tops. Check them out if you're around 33rd & 3rd.

(And if you visit me at work, it'll be my treat.)

(Obviously this applies only to people I know and not those of you who have had the strange misfortune of wandering into my inner monologue on your own.)

Quickie #2

My caffeine addiction has taken a bizarre and terrifying turn. It seems that I now have to actually be guzzling coffee while somebody is speaking to me in order to fully understand them.

Yikes.

Crappy Day

In order to avoid being a Debbie Downer all the time, I decided to devote one day a week to positive, happy thoughts. That day was going to be Thursday, as I’m generally in a good mood, looking forward to the weekend and such.

I’m postponing this until next week.

The weather is foul today, and so is my mood. It’s days like this that lead me to conclude that people everywhere are pretty much assholes. Days like today are what inspired the title of my blog. Getting into, out of, and around the city can be enough of a hassle, so when umbrellas are introduced into the mix…ugh. Everybody’s trying to navigate the streets while knocking into each other. They hold up lines at every freaking door as they open and close their umbrellas, dripping everywhere. Again, just…ugh.

I’m also pissed at Heidi Klum and the other Project Runway judges. Not only because they got rid of the cuteness that was Wesley waaay too early, but also because that was a stupid fucking challenge. When Tim Gunn first described it, I was pretty pleased—a straightforward task with a little bit of a twist. Your model is your client, she needs a cocktail dress made only with environmentally friendly fabrics. No ridiculous or unnecessary complications, right?

Wrong.

Having the models pick the fabrics was the dumbest thing they’ve ever done on this show. It was typical reality TV bullshit based on the assumption that the most unexpected thing is the best. [Incidentally, this relates to the awesome thing I was to which I was going to devote happy thoughts today, Ricky Gervais’ podcast, which features his producer Karl Pilkington talking about how one of his better gifts to his girlfriend was a double pack of condoms because, as he says, “She warn’t expectin’ that.” Please download the Podfather, it’s $3 for 2 hours of funny.]

I’m all for unexpected twists that test what these people can really do, but this one took away control from the designers in a way that really blew. I don’t think any of them could really be held responsible for those designs. They were being judged on some bullshit criteria, and adorable Wesley paid the price. For shame, Heidi. For shame.

Consider the Lime

First, I feel like I should offer a little bit of background on the impetus for this post, in the form of a snippet from a recent GChat:

4:22 PM Liz: link
4:23 PM me: hahahaha
4:24 PM incidentally,i'm not pleased with the french today, since they seem opposed to the freedom of the press
gawker
4:25 PM Liz: ugh
me: but my main complaint is about the fact that they don't have a real word for "lime"
they call it a green lemon, but it's soooo much more

As you might guess from the tone of that chat, I have this thing about limes. I think that they’re infinitely superior to lemons, and I have nothing against the lemon, believe me. But the lime strikes that perfect balance between sweet and sour, and I don’t think it’s an accident that it’s an ingredient in most of my favorite beverages. There is nothing in the world like a lime, so I’m really annoyed (for a change) that the French have relegated it to second-class fruit status by failing to give it a proper name.

It should be noted that from what I’ve learned in eight years of French class (and twenty-two years with a crazy French family), the French language is less flexible in terms of vocabulary than English. They have a more complicated and developed grammatical system, but they just don’t have as diverse a way of describing things, which is usually something I only notice when dealing with adjectives. It’s also a problem with newer nouns, like e-mail and wi-fi (ee-mell-uh and wee-fee), but that doesn’t bother me. It kind of makes sense, actually, that since these technologies are doing the honorable work of bringing our world closer together, we should all call them the same thing. I think that’s very special.

But they’ve had a couple millennia to work on names for things that have existed as long as people have, including the noble lime. I’ll concede that I might be exaggerating a bit, because I don’t think the lime is a naturally-occurring phenomenon in France, at least not the part that counts (I’m not being an elitist, the dialect of Paris is the one that eventually took over the whole country). But if France isn’t warm enough to grow them, England sure as shit isn’t, either, so that point’s a wash. They came up with specific names for all manner of tropical fruit, like citron (lemon), ananas (pineapple), and orange (I won’t insult your intelligence). I’m really annoyed by the fact that they didn’t bother coming up with anything more original than citron vert (green lemon) when they were naming the lime. It just seems lazy; I understand the mistake if they were just basing the name on appearances. Like red and green apples, lemons and limes certainly share certain external aspects, but once people started eating these things, they should have noticed, “Hey—one of these is kind of nice, especially with iced tea, and the other kicks ass in a variety of cocktails. We should really try to draw more of a distinction between them.” Nobody did, though, and to me that’s just, once again, lazy—especially when you consider the truly ridiculous world they came up with for grapefruit.

Pamplemousse.

I mean…seriously. Send me your suggestions for a new French word for lime (which should be AT LEAST as much fun to say as pamplemousse) and I’ll pass them along to the appropriate authorities.

Quickie

I just need to take a moment to say that as much as I've been enjoying Gossip Girl, I really don't care for Vanessa. Seriously, she's the worst.

A Complaint

A year and a half after I signed up for this blog (out of boredom, mostly), I've decided to actually try to use it. Let's see how this goes...

Something I read yesterday really annoyed me, and while it's more than likely that I'm overreacting, I find it rather fitting for a first post, because it reflects the themes which I anticipate this blog will revolve around. The rant which I can feel coming on is about celebrities, celebrity gossip, and my total frustration with other people, and frankly, those are going to be running themes. And so, gentle readers, in the spirit of bitching about everything under the sun, no matter how trivial or uninteresting, I have a serious problem with Star magazine's worst dressed list.

So I was leafing through Star this week, because…well, because I do that. I don't know if everybody is as familiar with this fine publication as I am, but every week, its Worst Dressed list offers up the wackiest and tackiest in celebrity fashion (awesome), with commentary from a panel of "experts" (barftastic). Now, this kind of thing can work really well; in fact, it's in the spirit of one of my most favorite things ever. EVER. But the commentary by this particular group of people is so hideously dull and pathetic, I just can't take it anymore. I HATE how bitchy they are without actually being funny. I hate that they seem to think that making a pun based on the most tenuous of one-word connections to an outfit is the absolute height of wit. And I really hate how they annoy me so hard that I end up sympathizing with the celebrities who really do deserve the mocking.

I don't even remember most of the most recent (caveat: it's surely no longer most recent, as it's been at least a week since I bought it, but it's the newest issue I have) worst-dressed list, so blinded was I by one particular piece of inanity. The copy I have at home features Ed Westwick wearing a polo shirt in a sailboat print and a rather skimpy bathing suit. What follows is a detailed account of exactly what hocks me off about this inclusion:

1. It's clearly a costume. The teeny-tiny trunks and nautical-themed shirt are totally in keeping with Westwick's (awesome) character on Gossip Girl. Chuck Bass' wardrobe is genius in its retro/vintage, Gatsby-inspired foppery, and this outfit fits into that seamlessly. The Fug Girls (seriously, they rule) tend not to make fun of celebs' outfits from photo shoots and the like, since they're not the ones picking out their clothes in those situations. Take heed, Star, because an actor in costume is really, really not the same as a celebrity who doesn't know how to dress himself.

2. I…kind of like it. My opinion might be colored by the fact that I think the Chuck Bass is an amazing character, and that his wardrobe is totally boss. And maybe I want to actually be Jay Gatsby and live among New York's leisure class. Maybe my taste is totally fucked and I'm secretly exactly the kind of asshole who would dress in a nautical theme (I really wouldn't go that far, I swear). But I think bringing back the short bathing suit for guys is really not a bad idea—it has a certain retro appeal, it's not as grody as a Speedo, and I think it's a good look for those who can pull it off.

3. The commentary: beyond moronic. Star only runs a comment or two for each outfit—these are the best they could come up with? "Anchors aweigh"? There is not one goddamn anchor to be found on what Ed Westwick is wearing, and while I understand that this Daphne person is drawing the connection because of the sailboats…come on, now. You only get a few words for your snappy exclamation; why not make sense? Why not make a terrible pun about something that's actually there? "Chuck, sail away!" for instance. And Lady Bunny: "Red, white and bleh!"? Come ON. I would think that a self-described legendary drag queen and diva extraordinaire could come up with something a little more original than a "red, white and [blank]" joke. If your witticisms sound like something an eleven-year-old could come up with, it's time to rethink. And, you know, my personal admiration aside, there are so many mockable things about what Mr. Westwick is wearing. The sailboats, the short shorts, the (intentional!) assholery of the whole ensemble…it's a goldmine, and nobody at Star seems to be able to exploit it except through truly mindless bitchery, which is just a crashing disappointment.

I'm going to be ticked off about this for a while, I think.