A Totally Shallow Profile of a Top Athlete and Where He Has Gone Wrong

I had intended this as an awesome thing, but it’s tempered with some moderate bitching, and I want to keep Awesome Thursdays free of any negativity, if possible.  And overall, I’m not all that annoyed—I just feel like I’ve been missing out on something.

The upshot is, this back cover from New York is pretty freaking awesome.  [By the by, I spend at least a third of my life on Gawker, so if it seems like I spend way too much time babbling about things I’ve read or seen there, that’s why.  I don’t anticipate this changing any time soon.]  I repeat, though, that I feel like I’ve been missing out, because I’d never really taken any great interest in Rafael Nadal, and I think it’s because the boy doesn’t know how to dress himself.

I want to reiterate, it’s not like I didn’t see the appeal, but this is the first picture of Nadal that made me go, “Ffwwuh!”  I’m not sure I’m accurately conveying the sound I’m going for, but if you’re envisioning a noise that could really embarrass you if you made it at work, you’re not far off the mark.  I didn’t realize it was him right away, and the problem results from the fact that Rafael typically falls victim to a few fashion faux-pas.  He wears shorts that are just a bit too long, and which fall below his knees, having the unfortunate effect of chopping his legs off at a weird spot and making him appear shorter than he really is.  Maybe this isn’t a concern for the 6’1” Nadal, but it’s a problem I've noticed.

Nadal also favors sleeveless shirts which, in most regards, are rather flattering.  I mean…yeah.  But there’s something about them—and I think it’s the neckline—that kind of bugs me.  The high-neckedness has a way of sort of swallowing up his shoulders and completely obscuring his chest, which is a goddamn shame.

Neither of these is a really significant problem; the shorts and shirts that Nadal wears have their advantages: the shorts are snug, and the shirts are sleeveless:  Yes.  But he’s constantly wearing these bandanas, which I cannot abide.  I hate bandanas more than any article of clothing (with the possible exception of skorts, which are gross), and they give Nadal a serious case of caveman-brow.  That is what struck me most about the New York cover, the way that his eyes weren’t all smooshed down in the manner of a Neanderthal.

So my notes to Rafa on the subject of his wardrobe: No more bandanas, ever.  And no shirts either, for that matter.