Five Movies I Have Absolutely No Desire to See - Number Two

Five Movies I Have Absolutely No Desire to See – Number Two.
Four Christmases.

Snore. This looks like a paint-by-numbers version of a holiday movie. It’s full of charming, funny, and talented actors, but it strikes me as crushingly predictable. I think somebody saw Meet the Parents and thought it was funny, then saw Meet the Fockers and thought to themselves, “Hey, doubling the wacky families was funny—why don’t I fucking quadruple them?”

And this is the result: a painfully average movie that, frankly, doesn’t look all that funny. If promos are supposed to showcase the best and funniest moments of a movie (with the exception of Apatow-style comedies, whose funniest bits are usually way too foul for television), this one doesn’t have a whole lot to offer. Like, “Oh, the baby spit up—gross!” and “ZOMG Reese Witherspoon in a fat suit!!1!!1!” Seriously, a fifteen-year-old could have created this dumping ground of mediocrity.

(Merry Christmas, by the way!)

Five Movies I Have Absolutely No Desire to See - Number One

First, I want to take a moment to apologize for the lack of awesomeness this Wednesday, but again, full-on blogging will resume once my computer returns from its vacation in San Diego, where it is currently being prodded back to life by Sony technicians.

In the meantime, I’m offering this brief series on movies that already have managed to annoy me, despite the fact that I haven’t seen them. This isn’t a list in any real order, so I’m just numbering them as I post these—not counting up to something as sublime and awesome as Blair Waldorf this time. So without further ado:

Five Movies I Have Absolutely No Desire To See – Number One.
Marley and Me.

Don’t get me wrong—I love dogs, and Marley is super-cute. But a whole movie filled with nothing but sappy, cutesy schmaltz? I’m gagging. Maybe there’s a plot buried in here somewhere, maybe there are real and compelling characters, and maybe the emotions are real and convincing…but I doubt it. Marley and Me doesn’t look like it has anything to offer except for unrelenting cute, and I just don’t think I can take that for a full two hours.

Also? As somebody who was firmly on Team Aniston from the start and celebrated with noisemakers & party hats when Jen & John Mayer split up, I was personally offended when they got back together. Pull it together, Aniston—we’re no longer on speaking terms until you dump Captain Douchebag.

The Laptop Saga

In Which I Explain Why I Have Been So Totally Lame in Posting Updates. Part 2 of 2.

Maybe this should be titled, "In Which I Regretfully Explain Why I Will Continue to Be So Totally Lame in Posting Updates." Because there's this laptop. Actually now there are two.

Almost exactly one year ago, to the day, I had a fo-realzies crisis when I knocked over my coffee mug, spilling it all over my laptop. It shut down and wouldn't reboot, I removed the battery and prayed for it to dry as I dashed out of my room to take a final exam. I'm pretty sure that the drama of the meltdown affected how I did on that test, but whatever--it was History of Rock. I also had four take-home finals that semester (by far the least awesome part of taking all humanities classes)--I'd already finished & handed in one of them; I hadn't made a dent on two of the others and was willing to take up residence at a library computer to bang them out; but there was this one take-home, due THAT DAY, of which I'd already written all 11 pages, save for one (honestly, ONE) concluding paragraph. I was sure that it had disappeared, and that I'd have to write the whole thing over again.

I ran to the professor's office and left her a note, used the library computer to get her office number (and Sony/Windows support), and she was actually really nice about it, offering an extension for a few days, which would give me time to....ugh, write the whole monstrous thing over. That turned out not to be an issue--after one horrifying night, my computer came back to life, files intact and everything. I finished the rest of my finals in a fit of paranoia, saving to Google Documents whenever I wrote more than seven words at a time.

Problem solved, right? How does this problem affect my ability to blog now?

Well, no. The coffee (and, probably more significantly, the sugar therein) ground my laptop down to a slow but intractable halt, and I recently had to invest in a new one. I hate spending that much money, but I figured the time to do it is before I add rent to my list of expenses. That was about a month and a half ago, but apparently there's a curse on me and my computer(s) that takes effect at exactly this time of the year. I suspect Santa is to blame.

This time I have no explanation for what's happened, but I can't have my computer on for more than ten minutes before it freaks out and refuses to do anything. I called Sony support and tried restoring it to factory settings, but that seems to have erased Windows entirely. Super! Anyway, now I'm waiting for them to send me a box so I can send my computer to be repaired, and I won't have internet access except at work, and on the shared home computer.

So that's my long-winded way of telling you that despite my best intentions and previous promises (see Part 1 of the Saga), I might not be able to post as often as I want to. Hopefully Sony can actually help me, and this will be a super-short-term problem. I will continue to make an effort to post from the home computer (where I'm sitting now), but rare is the moment when I can sit here for more than five minutes without a parent or sibling whining that they absolutely need the computer this instant. So...we'll see how this goes. My pledge for consistently scheduled blogging will absolutely take effect the minute I have my own computer back in working order. Until then, say a little prayer for my Sony, or light a candle for it, or perform a Wiccan chant--whatever it takes to bring that motherfucker back to life.

The Real Life Saga

In Which I Explain Why I Have Been So Totally Lame in Posting Updates. Part 1 of 2.

Seriously? More than a month? Lamesauce, and I apologize. I was considering pointing to my last post to say that since then, I haven't had cause to complain, but no matter how well things are going, there's always going to be something that irritates me.

So, basically I started blogging shortly after I started working, because there were stretches of the day when I didn't have any pressing tasks, and I was free to let my mind wander. I was alternately amused & annoyed by all manner of things, and when I had some spare time, I would commit it to bloggery. Then real life (read: work) started keeping me busy for much longer (read: all the time), and by the time I get home, my brain can barely manage setting up a the DVD recorder to tape Gossip Girl.

That does not mean that I have nothing to say--I have plenty of grievances, and I intend to be much more organized in the future. I'm going to hold myself to certain standards: an Awesome Thing every Wednesday (rescheduled to a night when I'm really never busy), plus at least one other update of substance once a week, as well as Twitter-esque quickies whenever the mood strikes.

Erm, but maybe not right away? More on this shortly.