Jinxed?

For the second time in as many years, I think I jinxed a celebrity into dying. My apologies to the many Paul Newman fans out there.

Some background--for one of my bullshit classes in Paris (Sociology of Medias, I think), I wrote a paper about the cult of celebrity, mostly in order to pass off my leisure activities as serious research. In the paper, I made a point about how ridiculous it was that Anna Nicole Smith was a celebrity, and wondered why anybody cared what she did, and how silly that she was ever in the news...and then she died. Like, three days after I turned in the paper.

Then, just last week I was explaining to somebody that I often have trouble remembering whether certain celebrities are alive or dead. For example, when Katharine Hepburn died, my reaction was: "...again?" As I explained, I pointed out Paul Newman as a current example of this phenomenon. Meaning, I was generally under the impression that he was already dead, but I couldn't specifically remember finding out about his death. This was one day before Newman actually died.

Celebrities, be warned: I'm apparently in possession of a freaky curse totally outside my control.

Something That Is Belatedly Awesome - 9/26

“Beyonce, pink the color, Pink the person, hot dogs, basically anything that is awesome, snow cones…”

After last night’s triumphant return of The Office, I think it’s appropriate to pay tribute to the source of the title of this recurring column—the delightful Kelly Kapoor.  At some point during Season Two, the writers changed her from a serious background character without a whole lot to say into a frivolous chatterbox without a single thought in her head.  And I love her this way.

Kelly’s enthusiasm about everything that doesn’t matter is a constant source of inspiration to me.  I invite you to adore her along with me.

Fair Warning

I have an absolute pantload of stuff to get done today, plus dinner plans after work, so today's awesome thing might be put off until tomorrow. I do know what the subject will be, though, and it's safe to stay that it's an inspiration to me.

Also? Britney & K-Fed are apparently considering getting back together. Don't do it, Britney! Obviously he just wants back in the spotlight since his skanky ass can't get any media attention on its own. (Oh my god, remember Popozao? I think I have to download that first thing when I get home.)

Quickie #4

I don't want to be a dick, but isn't pretty much any form of transportation in Alaska effectively "to nowhere?"

Something That Is Awesome - 9/18

And thus ends my unannounced week-long hiatus.  I've been crazy-busy at work lately, and super-tired every night by the time I get home.  But I do have an awesome thing for this week.

Tonya Cooley.

Tonya, originally of The Real World: Chicago and more recently of seven (!) RW/RR challenges, is freaking awesome.  I might go back and rewatch the premiere of the latest challenge, The Island, to pick out some of her best individual moments, but I think there was one that set the tone; upon arriving, an unfortunately-bloated-looking Tonya made a big deal about how she's married now, she's turned her life around for the better, and she's looking forward to doing a challenge now to prove how stable she's become.

And then she spent her entire time on the island on the verge of tears.

I kind of feel bad, but the pathos is kind of deliriously funny.  Tonya was so concerned about proving to everybody that she can be a  normal, well-adjusted adult that she worked herself into a total panic.  Trying to be normal gave her a nervous breakdown.

Again, as a person I feel bad for her, but as a viewer, I couldn't get enough Tonya.  Ever, in my life.  I wish she hadn't been kicked off so quickly.

Over It

Fuck off, Season 5 of Project Runway.

Tonight's episode really was the final nail in the coffin.  Bringing back eliminated contestants was not such a bad idea (more Wesley, please!), but there was no incentive for them to do well, meaning that farty fuckups like Keith were checked out from the beginning.  He's too fucking fragile to help sew?  Barf.  The producers should have offered some kind of token prize to motivate the losers and stop them from sabotaging.

Plus, bringing back former contestants like Christian, Jay, Daniel, and Alison only reminded me how much the newest group of designers sucks.  All the outfits this week looked like sweaty ass, including Terri's, which is a shame because she's the only one left who had shown any real talent (except maybe Leanne, who's been OK but would have been consistently at the bottom of the pile by this point of last season).  Based on past performance and being stuck with a turd of a partner, I think Terri should have been kept around for another week.  And if the crappiness of the designs wasn't bad enough, there is not one person in this cast who is witty, entertaining, or even just fucking pleasant.  They're trying too hard; they want to be walking catchphrases rather than designers; and they're just gross.

Fuck it.  I'm out, and I'm not looking back.

A Reluctant Correction

Oh, for fuck's sake. I happened to watch an episode of Gossip Girl the other day which disproved my theory that they've never shown any scenes outside the city (with the obvious exception of Season Two's East Hampton premiere). Towards the end of "Victor, Victrola," we see Jenny knocking on her mother's door in Hudson and asking her to come home. Seriously? It's not even a whole scene; it's part of a montage, in fact the least memorable part of the montage. It's probably not even 8 seconds long, and yet my theory is shot to shit as a result.

Fucking Jenny. Ruining everything as usual. (Just kidding--I like Jenny a lot of the time. It's Vanessa who turns everything she touches to boring crap.)

Something That Is Awesome - 9/4

I just got a DVD recorder, and I think it's pretty awesome.

For several years now, the busted-ass VCR that sits under the TV in our basement has served only an aesthetic function.  It's been a chunk of something to fill in what would otherwise be an empty spot in the cabinet, and there was no need to bother replacing it, as the newer TV and digital cable seemed opposed to recording onto tapes.

I've made do for several years.  I went to school, so the technological deficiencies at home only bothered me for a few weeks at a time, and over the summer.  I managed to cope with catching only the very beginning or end of shows, or missing them altogether; I did my best to catch reruns; and I made liberal use of networks' online video players.  But seriously, enough is enough.

My brother and I have badgered my dad about getting Tivo or DVR for years now, and it's clearly a hopeless cause.  Not willing to bother with a monthly fee, I went the cheapass route and got the DVD recorder, which is just as basic as a VCR in most ways, except it records to blank DVDs (no shit, I know).  It's changing my life.  I am no longer a slave to the TV schedule.  I can set this thing to record the season premiere of ANTM (Go Marjorie & Isis!), head upstairs to watch the "important" political discourse with my parents, and--later on--bask in the unnatural orange glow of Jay Manuel, totally guilt-free.

Technology really is making my life more awesome--next on my list: a Roomba.

The #1 Reason I'm Excited That Gossip Girl IS Back

Blair Waldorf.

Blair Motherfucking Waldorf.

There’s no shortage of characters to love (or love-to-hate) on Gossip Girl.  Serena is supercool, Chuck Bass is boss (and as I watch the Season Two premiere right now, he’s wearing the outfit that was the subject of my first post; by the way, I was totally right about that ensemble being a costume, thank you very much to the morons at Star), and even Gossip Girl herself really adds a unique element to the show—hooray for Kristen Bell!

But it’s Leighton Meester’s portrayal of Blair Waldorf that takes my overall enjoyment of Gossip Girl over the line to utter adoration.  Blair is genius.  End of story.

OK, maybe I can’t just leave it at that.  While I think Serena’s fashion sense is more hip, Blair’s overall sensibility is just too awesome for words.  I could kind of do without the Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? dresses and silly headbands, but her kick-ass one-liners and ability to totally control everybody around her makes her a tremendous character, if not a totally desirable friend.  I think these two scenes cemented my true love for Blair, because as much as I adore the acerbic wit of the megabitch, there are these weird moments of vulnerability that prove that she’s not totally evil (not that there’s anything wrong with that).  She’s awesome and complex, whereas Serena—ridiculously cool as she is—seems to just sort of drift along.

Blair has become a shining beacon of how to be awesome, and every little thing we have in common makes me feel like a more impressive person.  I’m happy to note that after tonight’s new episode, I have a new one: the Hampton Jitney!  I totally took the jitney back from the beach a couple weekends ago.  Granted, I was coming from Montauk, which is sort of the Casual Friday version of the Hamptons, but I’m still adding it to my list.

Reason #2 I'm Excited That Gossip Girl Is Almost Back

I have been remiss, and I apologize.  I’ve been enjoying the holiday weekend and didn’t get around to posting this yesterday.  Without further ado:

Reimagining My Experiences to More Closely Resemble Those of the Gossip Girl Characters.

First, I need to point something out to those of you who may not know me: geographically, my life has not been so different from Serena van der Woodsen’s: I was born on the Upper East Side, and I spent four years commuting there from the ‘burbs on the New Haven line (the very same line that Serena takes to Grand Central in the premiere episode).

I can’t help but be reminded of the David Sedaris story “Remembering My Childhood on the Continent of Africa,” in which he remarks that while his childhood memories and his boyfriend Hugh’s share certain verbs, the nouns in Hugh’s stories are much more exotic and exciting.  Similarly, while the Gossip Girl characters and I have a setting in common, their verbs, the stuff they actually do on the UES, absolutely trounce mine.  Let’s consider:

They go to the Met to socialize.  I went to the Met for homework assignments.

They go downtown when they want to party.  I went downtown for weekly mandatory volunteer work.

Most importantly, they get to stay and live on the UES.  I always had to go home at the end of the day.

Still, there are enough tangential connections that I feel like Gossip Girl validates the awesomeness of my high school experience.  Like this one time, I actually did eat lunch on the steps of the Met (I think it was the first day we were allowed to leave school for lunch), and when it was nice out, we had gym class in Central Park (I never did witness a field hockey fight, unfortunately), and over the summer when I worked at my mom’s office, I’d walk by the hotel they use for the Palace all the frickin’ time.  Actually, this was more recently (2007), and I probably walked by filming a bunch of times.

I think, though, that the moment that most justified my high opinion of myself was finding out that Blair’s Christmas tradition includes going for tea at the Carlyle Hotel.  Because that’s totally part of my Christmas tradition with my aunt.  Christmas tree at the Met, a walk around Central Park (which is a little depressing, as the Christmas Eve crowd is a pretty old and dismal one), and tea at the Carlyle or similarly fancy hotel, e.g. the Stanhope.

Incidentally, this provides a pretty decent segue into the top item on my list, which I swear I will have done by midnight.